hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
