it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
