Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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