You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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