Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
