I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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