I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
