better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
