Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
