now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
