At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
