i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
