Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
