I'm gonna have a badass scar
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
