Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
