she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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