so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
