just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
my liver is dry heaving
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
