Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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