What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
