...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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