His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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