Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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