I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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