have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
