She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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