you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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