Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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