Can Purell be used as lube?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
