Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
