I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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