There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He passed out mid-signature
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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