I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
