Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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