im having a threesome with these popsicles
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I could fuck to npr.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
