weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
