put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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