You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
And then he peed in my hair
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