he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We have so much sex to catch up on
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
