She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
