there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
