John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
