I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
