just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Rumble strips road head = magical
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
