That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
