So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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