"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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