Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Green mimosas i think yes
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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