i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
