couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
