If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
