half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
