How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
