That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
